“The Jose Lenyo Show” as he interviews “APP Man” tonight

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written by Celine R. Lopez,
INT. TV Talk show set. host “Jose/josie LenYo” (lenyo is hispanic slang for doobie or joint) He/she is the ghetto version of Jay leno) is about to interview “app Man”, the super hero for the 21st century.

Applause

Jose lenYo

Thank you, thank you. Please, don’t…stop! … Grassy Ass!

Applause, Monolog begins.

JOSE LENYO

Charlie Sheen’s birth name is Carlos Estevez. He ain’t wacky tobaky, he’s Acapulco Gold, ese!

Audience whistles

JOSE LEyNO

The dude’s a coked up hispanic, man, quit blaming it on mental health,… sheeet!

Audience laughs

JOSE LENYO

Coming up right now, on this stage, the Super Hero who is going to save us from all evil,… please welcome, “APP MAN” !!!!!

Loud applause and cheers. App man walks onto the stage waving. Shakes hands with Jose and they both sit.

JOSE LENyO

So, App Man, how did you become a super hero?

App Man

I was an APP debugger for Apple Computers, when all us programers went out to the nudie bar.

Audience wolf whistles

APP MAN

(flashing back)

My glasses steamed up, so I took them off, and being that I was such a near-sighted geek, I got just a little too close to the landing strip on one of the dancers!

Audience laughs

APP MAN

Yeah, a crazed crab jumped off her slot machine and bit me in the eye!

Audience howls

APP MAN

Shit you don’t know WHERE that crab has been, but it was definately a radioactive one!

JOSE LENyO

Why do you say that, was it all glowing in the dark, or what, man?

APP MAN

No, it had like super venom, like spider man, and it turned me into the man of a million APPS, APPS that do just about EVERYTHING!

Audience applause

JOSE LENyO

So I hear you have the capacity to reproduce ANY function from ANY APP ever made, AND MORE! Ching-gow!

APP MAN

That’s right. I can give you the news, weather, games,… hell I can stop a runaway narc! There’s an APP for that!

JOSE LENyO

I get high, but can you leap tall buildings, bro?

APP MAN

I call that APP, “Batmans”, and it ain’t no club drug.

JOSE LENyO

Is the an APP for ass? Like gettin’ sum, ese?

APP MAN

It’s called Hookinup, just slide your panel and push that lil button.

JOSE LENyO

Dude, you’re the man, you’re perfecto, cabron!

APP MAN

Actually, since the crab came off dancer, it has a virus.

JOSE LENO

Like herpes, man? You got blisters from the sisters? Shit!

APP MAN

NO! I mean virus as in a computer virus for APPS, my whole body freezes, just like a computer with a virus, it sucks!

Audience gasps.

JOSE LENYO

So what do you do, like when you’re down with the virus?

APP MAN

I IM my faithful BFF, Droid Boy.

JOSE LENYO

Droid Boy? Like he’s a smart phone?

APP MAN

He went with me to the club. He didn’t get bit by the crab. He’s more near sighted than me, he ate it, thinking it was a martini olive!

JOSE LENYO

So he has your back, bro?

APP MAN

No, just the code to stop the virus for a couple of hours. I just text him the number 68, and he’s here!

JOSE LENYO

68?

APP MAN

Yeah, you know, help me out and I owe you one!

JOSE LENYO

(snickers)

Yeah, I know, that’s me an my ol’ lady.

APP MAN

Holy Digital Doo-doo! Look!

He points to the spotlight image of a crab on the wall.

JOSE LENYO

Is that a warning of half price crab legs at Red Lobster?

APP MAN

No, Cannibis Cranium,… it’s the strip club, they need an APP for dead beats who skip out on the tab!

JOSE LENYO

What’s that APP called?

APP MAN

UskipUtrip. Makes them fall flat on their face so the bouncers can kick them when they’re down!

JOSE LENyO

APP Man, will you come back and keep us updated on your super hero triumphs?

APP MAN

Until next time, this is APP Man, up, up, and UPLOADING awaaaaaaaaaaaay!

He runs off stage, his flailing his cape as audience gives him a standing ovation. A spotlight of a crab is left showing on the wall, (much like the batman spotlight)

end

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